Life; it's an overwhelming concept.
I've managed to put mine on hold so far but now I need to make a decision as to what I'm going to do with my life. Like any, sane, person I'm terrified. I have no idea what to do. People seem to base their decision of you on what you do with your life and that generally means, in reality, how you earn your money. I don't want to live my life for work, I want the opposite. I want to be successful in all that I do, I want to settle down and I want to be HAPPY.
Yes I may be wasting these few days, perhaps even weeks or months, on trying to decide what I will do for a job but I don't want that to define me. I want to go to a party and not be introduced as, for example, 'Beckey the teacher', I'd rather be introduced as 'Beckey the happiest person I know'. And I know I'm placing a lot of emphasis on being happy but personally I've struggled for so long with trying to be happy now that I am I don't want to put it in jeopardy.
I've just celebrated my 21st birthday and finishing university and I've had a fantastic week. In this past year I've made some great friends whilst also reconnecting with old friends. There have been relapses, I have been scared and tentative, even afraid of being myself at times but I've got through it and I honestly believe that it's going to be uphill from here.
My boyfriend of five and a half year are looking to get jobs in and move to Leeds. This is of course a little difficult when neither of us really know what kind of jobs we want. Perhaps we aren't concerned enough about jobs. We can't travel as neither of us have enough money, and I don't have a passport. Both of us are going back home to live there, annoyingly this is still going to keep us as apart as ever. The current, and vague, plan is that we get jobs in Leeds to start as soon as possible.
This the first thing I've written in 3 years that I haven't obsessed over the word count, or the explicitness of ideas and concepts. This feels good.
